I Can Tell

It is estimated there are over 39 million adults in this country who were sexually abused as children. The number of people living today in the United States who have some form of cancer is roughly 12 million. As a nation, we talk a lot more about the latter than we do about the victims of abuse. One of the reasons we don’t talk about it is that sexual abuse is always shrouded in secrecy. And when victims grow into adults, their secrets most often go with them. These are the women we work with in our counseling program.

Because we share parents' concern and want all children to grow up without the harm sexual abuse causes, we created the I Can Tell program in 1994, and have been teaching young children throughout the Miami Valley how to protect themselves from abuse ever since.

As the name suggests, the goal of I Can Tell is to break the secrecy around abuse by teaching children they can tell, and by encouraging parents, teachers, and others to listen and act on behalf of the victim. We may never be able to completely prevent abuse. But as the secrecy around child sexual abuse is reduced, and children and adults are empowered to respond pro-actively, children at-risk or actually being abused will be less likely to suffer the trauma and long-term social and emotional consequences that result from repeated victimization.

Each year we take our I Can Tell program to over 1,500 children in elementary schools in the Greater Dayton area. We use developmentally appropriate media to teach children to recognize early signs of inappropriate sexual behavior, to affirm their feelings, and encourage them to seek out trusted adults for help.

If you are a parent and would like to learn more, click For Parents on the tab above.

If you are a teacher, or someone else who works with young children, we welcome your partnership with us to help make our children safer. Click on For Professionals tab learn how you can help.

Child Sexual Abuse and Your Children

If you read the newspaper or watch the news about persons arrested for sexual abuse, you know there is no one set of social, intellectual, racial, or economic characteristics, that fits all abusers. Often the person who abuses a child is someone known—a family member, friend, neighbor, someone with whom your child frequently comes into contact (teacher, religious leader, coach, a caregiver). These people often enjoy the trust of the child, and use this trust to initiate a sexual contact. Abuse is not limited to physical touch, but also includes Internet solicitation, exposure, and displaying pornography to a minor.

How can I protect my child?

Information and knowing what to do are the most important tools your child has to avoid harm, and get help if he or she is being abused. Parents are the best teachers. We encourage you to talk with your daughter or son about personal safety, but in a way that is not overwhelming. Reinforce your child's right to say, "no", when he or she doesn't feel safe.

Are there signs I should look for that my child may be at risk?

Know the people your child spends time with. If much older children, such as a teen, or an adult wants to spend a lot of time with your child, be sure you know the person, and supervise their activities. If these persons seem awkward with others their own age and would rather be with younger children, be alert.

Physical contact between adults and children, especially among relatives, is natural. You don’t want to alarm your children and make them uncomfortable around all adults. Observe and listen to your children. If they seem uncomfortable with others touching them, find out why. Unless you know the person’s intentions, be wary of adults giving your children long hugs, back rubs, and especially such actions as kissing on the lips.

What signs should I look for that my child is being abused?

There are many indicators, but keep in mind there may be other causes of these. Things to look for include:

• Secretiveness
• Sleep problems or nightmares
• Bed-wetting or other changes in toilet training
• School or behavioral problems
• Withdrawal from friends or family
• Unusual interest or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature 
• A fear of certain people, places or activities, or intense clinging
• Unexplained bruises or rashes 
• Itching, pain or rawness in their private areas
• Playing games or drawing aspects of sexual behaviors.

 

What should I do, if I think my child is being abused?

To read or download an excellent reference on steps you should take,click here If My Child Is Being Abused. For more information, click on the Resource tab above.

Bringing I Can Tell to Your Child's Classroom

If you would like to have us bring our I Can Tell program to your child’s elementary school, talk with his/her teacher, counselor, or principal and tell them to visit our website or call us at 223-3446. 

Preventing sex abuse is a community responsibility. 

Whether you are a teacher, coach, a nurse, or any other adult who works with young children, there are ways in which you can protect them. Recognizing the signs of abuse, knowing how to respond to a child who reports abuse, and reporting abuse are just a few.

You may not see the same signs a parent does (see For Parents), but a few to be concerned about are: fear of people or places; shame about one’s body, a change in school performance, emotional problems, and acting out sexually.

When a child reports abuse, be calm and attentive.  Active listening and showing concern, but not shock will encourage her to tell her story.  Be reassuring and indicate you believe what she is saying. Affirm that she did the right thing in coming to you. Although she may ask you not to tell, be honest, and let her know you need to find someone she can trust, who will help her.

Under the laws of the State of Ohio, you must report what the child tells. Even if you are little skeptical, the prudent thing to do is report.  To do so, call 937 224-KIDS in Montgomery  County or 937 562-6600 in Greene County.

Some of the information you be will asked to provide when reporting are: a description of the child, the name or description of person suspected of the abuse; a description of the abuse; and your relationship to the child.

Proactive Steps You Can Take

If you are in the capacity to do so:

• Teach children about body safety and healthy boundaries.
• Teach them the difference between healthy and unhealthy touch.
• Let them know they have a right to say “no” to others who may want to touch them.
• Teach them the difference between good secrets and bad secrets.

Bringing I Can Tell to Your Classroom

If you are an elementary school teacher, we strongly encourage you to talk to your principal about bringing our I can Tell program to your school.

Resources

The single best resource on child sexual abuse isStop It Now. Their materials for parents, professionals, and the community at-large are based on established research, are well presented, and either free to be downloaded or purchased in large quanities.

http://www.stopitnow.org/